Happy Fourth of July 2014 America!

What a wonderful day we had! We joined our friends Steph and Curtis and their littles ones for a fabulous festive day. 

For the second year in a row we went to the parade. This year was really cool with a fire truck, police cars, horses and a bunch of decorated bikes, 4-wheelers and bikes! 

Here's my outfit for the day...

Fashion Info: 

My top is American rag 

Headband is from icing 

Sunglasses are Burberry 

Lipstick is Mac Ruby woo (I think that's the name!)

Shorts are Charlotte rousse 

Shoes are sketchers go walks (the closest to sneakers I will wear!) 

Bag is Just Fab 

Watch is Marc Jacobs 

Of course my cute boys were adorable too! 

On Liam 

A personalized Liam shirt from Etsy 

America shorts from Kohls 

American Flag Toms (found them at Journey kids!)

Paul Frank Hat 

On Shane 

Peace, Love, World "I am peace" baseball cap

American Rag shirt from Macys 

Cargo shorts from Target

Adidas shoes 

Rose gold watch from Target 

These are the days that make for the most awesome memories! 

Until next time! 

Jen 

Fashion Diaries 2!

I've been having way too much fun with this fashion thing... 

Details... Black with a pop of neon. 

This necklace needs no introduction! Such beauty! 

I wore all black this past Tuesday. It was a total accessories day. 

I've been looking for neon heels for ever. Look how bright these are! The lighting is horrible because it's an iPhone picture... But I can't get over how much they POP! 

Is it possible to fall in love with a pair of shoes? Lol 

Then of course there's the arm candy. Cartier for the win. What's even better? Having a dad that loves watched as much as you do and who has built quite the collection throughout the years. Yay for not having any siblings to fight over his collection with! 

(No full body picture. I work alone most of the time). 

Until next time! 

Jen :) 

Fashion Diaries 1

Hiya!

I'm thinking of starting a few fashion related blogs. I have recently lost some weight and have really really been enjoying dressing up! Sometimes life is super busy, but I always have a second to post a few pictures up. I figure in 50 years I'll enjoy looking at these fun pictures... And that's what this blog is all about... Memories! 

So without further ado... 

Here's the first outfit! 

This outfit was super exciting to put together. I had not been able to wear that shirt since my high school years. I am not quite at my high school weight but with a cami underneath I was able to make it work! 

Pants are Charlotte rousse 

Headband is icing

Sandals are wet seal 

Cute baby is ALL MINE! 

Until next time! 

Jen :) 

Disappointments make you come home.

Blogging is home to me. 

In my happy times time flies and I forget it is here. In my sad times I run to it and have cathartic dumps of words. And that is why I am here dear friends. 

Shane and I were matched. If you don't know adoption terminology it means that our agency thought we would be a good match for a birth mom. Sounds great right? Not when the match does not work out. Then that match turns into what I like to call an adoption miscarriage. We didn't quite have an actual adoption miscarriage. In fact, we didn't even get to meet the kids. Yes. Kids. Plural. Let me start from the beginning. 

I was at Kohl's the other day when my phone starting blasting Lady Gaga's "the edge of glory." Its our adoption song. It's the ringtone to our agency and everything related to our babies adoptions. My heart skipped a beat. I knew that ringtone but it had not rang in so long. I answered. Fast. Sure enough. It was what I thought it could be. A match. Well. A possible match. 

Agency person called to tell us about a very special situation. Two siblings. 2.5 girl and 4.5 boy. For the sake of their privacy that's all I can say. He thought that because of our open mentality and current parenting views we would want to meet them. The mom in me wanted to say yes. The social worker as well. The heartbroken paper-pregnant woman who is seeking to have her family complete was desperate to say yes. 

So I said, can you send me a picture and I'll call you back. And I hung up. And cried. And then texted S because I didn't have the courage to call him. And he said no. That's his story. And I respect his privacy. We agree it's a no. A big no. There's birth order and emotional attachment and L's well-being and his world being turned upside down and finances and our families and I know this is a big long run-on sentence. There's many reasons why not. In fact there doesn't have to be any reasons. If a match doesn't match then its a no go. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell. 

I want my second child. I want to be able to breathe a sigh of thankful relief that my arms are filled by the two most important people in my life. But I sit here with one baby sleeping quietly in his room.  A little boy with dirty fingernails and sticky hair even after bath time. And I know that I am blessed. I know I need to be thankful. Yet I am broken. 

L is my world. If I don't ever parent anyone else again I will die happy because I got to parent but everyday I mourn the fact that I do not have any control as to HOW my family is formed. I have no control over the agency showing our profile to a birth mom. I have no control over wether she chooses us or not. I know we chose adoption as the means to create our family and I know the wait is long and I know its worth it. But tonight I came home to this blog because I don't understand any of that. I want Liam to meet Mila. I want them to be close in age. I want him to have what I didn't have. A companion, a partner in crime, a best friend. 

Tonight I don't understand and this blog doesn't judge me. This blog doesn't jump to conclusions or assume anything. It just listens. 

I am terrified that this is going to put a negative checkmark next to our name at the agency. We will be those people who didn't say yes to those wonderful kids. And I know those are irrational fears. I'm a social worker for God's sake. Irrational and highly unethical. But tonight I don't understand. Tonight I am broken. So I came home. 

Thank you for reading this because by doing so you are supporting me. And if I've been an asshole now you know why. 

Jen 

Ps.. I am highly embarrassed about the lack of grammar, punctuation and sense of this post. But tonight I just don't understand. 

Date Nights

Hiya!

So a couple of weeks ago my parents randomly got out of work super early (they work at a resort and have horrible hours). I took the opportunity to ask them if they would mind watching our little guy while we got away for dinner. My parents faithfully agreed and we went to diner at one of our favorite places Texas de Brazil.

What you don't know because I fell out of the blogosphere is that I have lost 50 pounds. Well with weightless apparently comes stomach shrinkage. The food was delicious but I was full in 2.5 seconds. The night was a success though. It was so great to have a night out where we got to dress up and just be with one another.

After what seems like a never ending "season" of holidays it was fabulous to be in the quiet with the one person that completes me. The holidays for us were awesome, they were filled with get-togethers, family reunions and parties and while all of that is great it leaves everyone kinda tired. January is usually a quiet month in our household. And boy was that date night totally needed.

I wish we had a way to make those date nights more often. Unfortunately we don't really have that possibility. Shane's parents are exhausted from their demanding work or unable to lift a 30 pound toddler and my parents work crazy crazy hours. I guess for now we just have to make the most of the random dates that we DO get.

Those special nights just put into perspective how wonderful our beautiful life really is. Yes, we are busy raising the most perfect toddler in the universe but we also have each other. Yes we have super busy demanding work schedules but we still have each other. Yes, many times our social calendar will call for activities for us to do as a family but we will always have those random, beautiful, awesome and absolutely fabulous date nights with each other.

Until next time,
Jen

The Time my External Drive went into a Comma.

Dear friends,

Today is a sad sad day. I sit here anxiously waiting to hear from my dad's IT guy to tell me that he saved my external drive with almost 10 years worth of pictures. You see... some time last week we decided that it was time to look for a specific picture or something. I don't even know how or what led me to the drive but when plugged it in... it was unrecognizable... and then I wanted to cry. I didn't... but I wanted to.

The thing about that drive is the amount of memories it has in it. Our entire dating relationship. Our wedding. Our newlywed life, the dogs, the apartment, the townhouse and of course our son. Although we have many many pictures printed and saved online of important moments of our life there were many times when we just "dumped" pictures onto "the drive" and thought "Oh life is busy, will upload another time, blah blah blah." And then life happened, we got busy and of course the drive decides to go into a comma. And now its in computer ICU.

I know praying for a computer part is probably silly but that computer part holds so many beautiful memories so near and dear to my heart that I can't help but pray that God enlightens the IT guy and that he finds a way to revive my little device. I have learned my lesson and I will focus on what matters most this year. I will focus on taking pictures and developing them (this statement dates me). I will focus less on my phone and social media and more on organizing and simplifying my life. I will also focus on taking pictures with my mind and living these memories so that I can stop relying on technology and just close my eyes and relive the fabulous moments. I know, it sounds a bit ridiculous considering I am writing this on a digital device and will post it on the world wide web but it makes sense to me. Sometimes unplugging is not all that bad.

And with that I am off to say my bedtime prayers... I will pray for the usual things I pray for, I will be thankful for the abundance of blessings in my life, but I will also ask God to save my little external hard drive.

Until next time,
Jen

I keep saying I am back... but this time I really do want to come back!

Hiya!

Remember me? It's been almost a year since I've blogged. What a year it has been. A wonderful year. A difficult year. A fabulous year. Like everyone's 2013, mine had ups and downs. The blessings were so much bigger than the bumps. I have so much to write about that I don't know where to start.

It's been so long I didn't even remember how to log in to the blog. I didn't know which URL to type to get here. So I came to the blog as a guest, and thankfully found the sign in on the upper right hand corner. I guess that's what being a mommy does to you. Mommy brain. Or maybe it's the fact that this year I turn 30. Let's just say it's the mommy brain... I haven't accepted the other "thing" just yet.

So there's not going to be much updating on this particular post. I am toying with the idea of remodeling "sweetpinkruffles." I know I have talked about the tittle in the past and how it is very dear to me... but at the same time I feel as if I am outgrowing it. Is my world full of balls, toy trucks and all shades of blue and red changing my love of pink? Is it the dreaded 30? Who knows... but I feel that my identity is so much more than a color.

I do have to say that my identity has changed in the past 19 months. Liam has defined me. He has completed me in a way that I never ever thought possible. My world revolves around that little man and his love for balls, trucks and trains. I could spend countless hours behind my camera trying to capture his every breath. I could spend every waking moment pretending to eat the plastic food he makes in his play kitchen. I could spend every breath on walking around our house, hand in hand with him as he loves to do.

I haven't lost who I am. I haven't lost the spunky pink princess I use to be. I am still her, but I am so much more now. I carry MAC's Russian Red in my bag, right next to Liam's Binkie. I have developed into someone I like so much and I feel that this blog should show you that. Yes, you, all 2 of you. My very very very few readers. I am so grateful for you. I haven't been here in almost a year and yet you still swing by every once in a while to see if I have posted anything. I don't make a single penny off of this blog (apparently you need millions of followers to make a penny) yet the gratification of knowing that someone out there reads what's on my mind is so fulfilling.

No idea what will come of this blog. I may change the tittle, I may change the address, but then again I may not. I may change the privacy settings so that only those of you who have read in the past can continue to read because I plan to share a lot more of my life. I want to add pictures and color to this blog. I want to add the smiles of the amazing human beings that are in my life and in order to do that I have to protect their privacy.

What I do know for sure is that I am craving "letting it all out." I have so much to tell you, imaginary friends. I have so much to say... and who knows maybe no one out there cares to read it... or maybe only a handful of you guys care... but I want to have this tiny piece of legacy. I printed my previous blog and made it into a book and honestly it was THE BEST thing I could have ever done. Sooooo many memories, so many wonderful wonderful vignettes of my life are on that book. I don't want time to continue to pass without me recording these amazing moments.

At the end of my life I want to have volumes of "books." I want to have as many blog posts as possible reminding me of all of the truly phenomenal and breath-taking moments of my life. Some moments are so fabulous that they take your breath away and those are the best to read... but other moments leave you breathless... those are more difficult moments, but in the end when you look back, those moments made you stronger and they are just as valuable as the happy ones.

My goal for this year is to document what is going on in my current life, but at the same time I want to reminisce about 2013 because it was a life changing year for my beautiful family. I plan to edit less and "pour my heart" out more. I plan to not worry about quality and for once worry about quantity... because I want MORE posts, more memories documented. This blog is for me. For Shane. For Liam. For my family and for 90 year old Jen... who knows maybe if I have a ton of "volumes" of my blog I won't be causing such an uproar at the nursing home! (Wink Wink).

If you've been there for the ride, I am so very sorry I took a hiatus. If you are new, welcome to my crazy wonderful oh-so-fabulous life.

I am Jen. I am a mama to Liam. I am Shane's Bestest Friend. I love Pink, Purses and I say Fabulous way too often. I may also have a shopping problem... but that's not something we like to talk about.

I hope from the bottom of my heart that I can carve out a few seconds every once in a while to write a bit. For the sake of the residents of my future nursing home.

Until next time,

Jen